


The Ties That Bind

by par_avion



Category: Carnivale
Genre: Gen, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2004
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-25
Updated: 2004-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-11 17:26:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/par_avion/pseuds/par_avion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first fic I ever wrote. I did try to write something closer to what my recipient was hoping for, but it turns out that fic writing is challenging!</p><p>I couldn't get Sophie and Jonesy together -- he was supposed to show up in he clearing at the end (not Ben) but I literally couldn't get him to say anything let alone do anything and that's why the ending is a bit abrupt.</p><p>I like first-person narrators -- I'm still not sure why they are so reviled in fandom, since they are used often enough in the books that I read. I also like pastiche (by which I mean well and truly nailing the tone of the original work / voice of the original author) but that is another thing not very popular in fandom. Those two things probably explain why I don't write attempt to write fanfic anymore.</p></blockquote>





	The Ties That Bind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pepperlandgirl4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepperlandgirl4/gifts).



  


## The Ties That Bind

  


"You don’t know everything, Momma. You—"

"Hey girl. When didya start talking to yerself?"

"Hi Samson. Sorry." I nodded my head in the direction of our trailer. "It’s just... You know how she can be."

"Yeah, I know. Say, Sofie, you wanna sit and tell me about it?"

"No. Thanks, but no." I gave Samson a quick smile. "I just need to walk for a bit."

"Suit yourself. You be careful, no going into town. You know them folks don’t like carnies none."

"I’ll be fine, really. I’m just headed to the other side of camp." I tried for light and casual, but I was no actress back then. I think he heard the tension creep into my voice, for all that I was trying to hide it. "The distance helps, sometimes. Makes it easier to block her out."

"All right. Don’t be too long though. If your momma is still sore at you tonight—"

"I know. Just a little break."

My fingers brushed the deck of cards in my pocket as I walked away.

"Poor kid."

Samson probably didn’t mean for me to hear that, but it was okay, I didn’t mind. Samson was good people. There was no life for him out in the world — not a real life — but he had us to take care of and he did a good job of it. He was fair, and he did his best for us, for all of us. Can’t ask anything more. It was hard times and we got by. We all had each other.

Samson still thought of me as a little kid, even though I ain’t never really been a kid, and sure as hell wasn’t one no more. It’s like time didn’t move forward ‘round there. Hell, they all still thought of me as a kid. Especially Jonesy. He shoulda know better. Idiot.

The twins were over by the laundry line, working on their routine and singing one of them French songs. I could have asked them if they seen Jonesy, but they never noticed much outside of each other. It’s a good thing they got along so well, I guess. It’d be pretty awful to be tied forever to someone you hate.  
Yeah, I wouldn’t know nothing ‘bout that.

 _Momma’s laugh echoed in my head._ I couldn’t tell, anymore, whether she was really there or not. Things were getting bad. "I can get away from you," I whispered, "Just you watch."

I sped up and continued heading for the opposite side of camp, as far away as I could get from our trailer. There was a little bit of shade over there from a few small trees, and that’s where I was goin’. I don’t know why we were traveling South in that god-awful heat, but Management decided to stop following the circuit and there we were in this dry, dusty nowheresville.

I hurried past Lodz’s trailer — I definitely didn’t want to talk to him after what he had pulled with Momma the other day — and I managed to get to the trees without talkin’ to nobody else. Wasn’t that hard, really. Ain’t like I had a ton of friends hangin’ around just dying to chat. The rousties were busy and most everyone else was hiding from the sun inside their trailers. Lucky for me, that meant I was the first one there and had the little wooded area all to myself. It wasn’t so peaceful, and it weren’t quiet neither, but it would do.

I sat down with my back to the camp and took Momma’s tarot cards out of my pocket. I guess they were mine even then, but I didn’t really understand them — at least, not well enough to do a reading without her help. It was embarrassing when she got in a mood and refused to talk to me during a session, but even worse we really couldn’t afford to be turning away any paying customers. I knew it was possible to just read the cards normal-like, without having Momma’s type of gift, so I was gonna practice.

I took a quick look at all the cards and then I shuffled them while thinking on a serious question. You can’t just play around with the cards or they will refuse to answer, an’ I had enough troubles with Momma’s moods, I really didn’t need to get the tarot mad at me too! Besides, I really did want to know about Jonesy ‘n me, and that wasn’t a question that Momma was gonna help me with.

The simplest reading is just to turn over one card, but that wasn’t gonna tell me much. I decided that three cards — past, present, future — would be a good start. Besides, that’s usually how many cards Momma and I used in a reading, so I laid out three cards face down on the dry grass.  
First Card — Past — Page of Cups.

"Well, that makes sense," I thought. "The Page is a young person, and can be either a girl or a boy. So in the past, Jonesy saw me as a youngster. This isn’t so hard."  
Second Card — Present — The Lovers.

My heart just skipped a beat, it did. Okay. Think! There’s more than one interpretation for this card. A card of attraction, a card of marriage...

Of course, that was when I heard someone walkin’ toward me. I snuck a quick look over my shoulder and it was that new kid, Ben. Probably lookin’ for someplace to catch a nap. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him neither so I grabbed up the cards and shoved ‘em back into my pocket and started back to the trailer.

* * *

If I knew then what I know now, I would have told myself that the Page of Cups represents an offer of friendship. It is not a card of romantic love.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have reminded myself that The Lovers can be a sign of a crossroad, of a decision to be made. It is not a guarantee of a relationship anymore than a relationship is a guarantee of happiness. A romance is just another set of problems.

I should have turned over the third card.

  


  
Read [comments posted at the old Yuletide site](http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/archive/9/theties_cmt.html).  


**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I ever wrote. I did try to write something closer to what my recipient was hoping for, but it turns out that fic writing is challenging!
> 
> I couldn't get Sophie and Jonesy together -- he was supposed to show up in he clearing at the end (not Ben) but I literally couldn't get him to say anything let alone do anything and that's why the ending is a bit abrupt.
> 
> I like first-person narrators -- I'm still not sure why they are so reviled in fandom, since they are used often enough in the books that I read. I also like pastiche (by which I mean well and truly nailing the tone of the original work / voice of the original author) but that is another thing not very popular in fandom. Those two things probably explain why I don't write attempt to write fanfic anymore.


End file.
